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Dear Dishwasher,
I've been in an abusive and controlling relationship for years and I'm
breaking free at last! Now he’s begging me to wait a few more months
before filing; he really thinks we can work this thing out. I loved him
before, is he right? Do I go back in the cage?
Dearest Free,
Most of these kinds of relationships are very hard to change
quickly, simply because it takes time for the people to
change. Change of this kind is not a matter of a new year's
resolution, but real personal work tested in the dynamics of
real life. Learning to "let go" is a good start in turning
over a new leaf. Letting you go would be his first step of
stopping the abuse, because abuse is about control and anger
joined together. If he insists on controlling the agenda
you’re back on the path to the old ways. And most likely
there is a flip side to your attachment to being abused.
That’s for you to explore.
My advice is to follow through with a
separation (filing or not doesn’t matter), but make a clear
break, and if you're interested you could date
again...essentially start over by seeing each other in
smaller quantities... loving you means letting go of you! As
demonstrated by respecting your wishes, feelings, and plans.
When you both become independent again you might find a
relationship there. Separation can be a meaningful part of a
good marriage.
Yours,
The Dishwasher
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