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Dear Dishwasher,
I am a 32 year old woman who has been suffering from severe depression
for more than 8 years. I have lost all hope and it seems that I am
destined to suffer for the rest of my life. I have been told that I am
paying a debt of bad karma from a previous life. If that’s the case I
would rather get it over with…this life and go. On to what ever is next.
I am finding the freedom of death more and more appealing. I have never
loved and don't believe that I will. I have tried so very hard in this
life and the only thing I desire is to finally find some peace and
suffer no more.
Can the universe really be so cruel and against me?
Dearest 32,
There is no advice that can be given to a severely depressed person that
can be heard easily -- advice will sound arrogant and condescending to
your ears. The catch 22 of depression is that the weight of depression
strips people of motivation which keeps them from taking any action that
would turn it around -- hopelessness paralyzes action even when the
action could cure you. Friends and family will not understand this and
will want to give you advice or they will want you to snap out of it --
this makes you angry and more alienated.
No, the universe is not against you.
No, karma is not that fixed.
There is now much research done studying the
physiological underpinnings of depression. For every feeling or group of
feelings (mood) for every sadness there is physical string of molecules
(hormones, peptides, neurotransmitters etc) that create and indeed are
those feelings. There is a physical side that matches the mental or
spiritual side to everything. You can alter your feelings using your
mind (therapy, self help books, talking) or go around the back door and
alter your feelings by affecting them on a physical level through your
body. This discovery unfortunately has given birth to a vast
pharmaceutical approach to treating depression -- prosaic is one of
many. But the discovery has also been a breakthrough for many other
approaches to altering the mind via the body. You need learn, educate,
discover all there is about the mind/body connection.
Your outlook on life is NOT an objective picture of
life or the universe, but a filtered version through the lenses of your
experiences up to now.
One book comes to mind: Candace Pert "Molecules of
Emotion"
One path out of depression is to help others that are
depressed or in worse condition than you are. This choice throws the
focus from you to someone else. Depression is by definition self
centered --the focus of Life, rather than pointing out into activity and
compassion, turns inward to where the pain is, and is expressed in self
pity. This self pity frames you as a victim hence helpless, impotent to
act. This impotence helps perpetuate the depression.
You have to throw a monkey wrench into this vicious
Circle. You can start with a pet or a garden, if people are too
complicated, but start somewhere.
As for true love? Who wants to fall in love with a
depressed person who is not motivated and focused on themselves?
Think of every thought you have as a prayer or wish.
"I am sad" translates into "please o lord make me sad." "I am lonely"
translates into "please God make me lonely."
Another catch 22 of depression. Each thought and
feeling creates a memory habit of that very feeling that causes it to
repeat itself over and over. You can throw a monkey wrench into that
process by changing your prayer/mantra arbitrarily... just do it without
reason.
Good luck girl
You can find true love, but first you'll need to find yourself.
Yours,
The Dishwasher
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