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Dear Dishwasher,
I am 4 months pregnant and my boyfriend of 2 years is spending less and
less time with me. He’s canceling plans at the last minute with lame
excuses. Now he’s talking about needing “space” of all things. I keep
trying to make plans and talk to him about our future, but he seems
distant. What’s wrong with him? Is he flying the coup or what? I feel
like I’m chasing him.
Dearest 4,
The psychology is as old as the hills. It used to be called “playing
hard to get.” To reactivate those mind muscles of attraction ( his
forward motion) you have to step back. (that’s also called “space”) He
will not step forward while you're pushing toward him. You see, there
has to be this little distance between you and him for the equation to
work. Let go a little, step back.
But most importantly do not have discussions and arguments about the
relationship. Have relationship only. Those discussions usually invite
the Attack of the “shoulds” He should, you should, sometimes preceded by
very logical arguments why he should or you should do this or that.
These are the discussions that usually end in argument because they are
not really about issues, but about emotions of rejection or denial. The
attack of the “shoulds” destroys relationship quicker than the activity
that started the discussion.
Understand that logic is heavy, and laughter and play are the opposite.
Do the opposite. Play as much as possible, enjoy yourself in as many
ways as you know how...be happy yourself with your life as you
are…pregnant and all. This energy is extremely attractive and will ward
off the “should attacks”.
And my dear you are pregnant and that really is your main focus for the
next year not him anyway. You do, however, need to know what support you
have or don't have...for this year only. So, at some point soon you need
to have a practical talk and agreement about what you can expect from
him. (He’ll be relieved by this approach) Suggest a one year
commitment...in other words, don't try to decide a lifetime of
activities ...take it one day at a time, one year at a time and be
willing to plan your life as a single mom. Don't use guilt as a tool.
Invite him to participate and give him a choice without guilt.
Good luck,
The Dishwasher
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