|
Dear Dishwasher,
I am in a quandary. The father of my son is in prison and
wants to have nothing to do with his child. He is an alcoholic and dangerous.
As my son gets older, do I tell him the truth about his father or make up a
story that would preserve his dignity?
Gloria
Dear Gloria,
Tell the truth....
Don't interfere with The Plan (things you can't change).
Tell the truth because not telling the truth (even when you are protecting
someone) really communicates to that someone that "you're not worthy of
the truth" which translates into, "I'm unworthy" in
children...a very bad message to start giving early on. Always be mindful of
the subtext in communication...it’s always there.
Tell the truth...always...in a way that is appropriate for
your son's age...Each and every one of us has a particular destiny or karma
(plan, God's Will). Sometimes it is difficult to understand the mixture of
thorns and roses that occur in life... some of us have dangerous fathers, some
have no fathers, don’t be tempted into narrow thinking based on the belief
that the world should be fair...it is not fair, equal or just. Don't try to
make it that way.
Reminds me of the old dervish tale called "Fatima
and the Tent."
That Dervish tale is included in "Tales
of the Dervishes."
There was a little girl who lived with her family deep in
the woods.
They were a family of shepherds and weavers. They tended the
sheep, gathered the wool and wove blankets of kilums for the family. She was
very happy. One day on a trip to town to sell the kilums the
family was
attacked by robbers and murdered, except for the little
girl. She was kidnapped and taken to another remote village far away. Her life
crumbled and she was deeply saddened.
A merchant took pity and purchased the girl as a slave and
took her home to his family. Her new family cared for her and treated her
kindly. They were in the business of sewing. She worked for 10 years and
learned to sew the most beautiful clothing. Her new father seeing her talents
decided to reward her with a trip into another country to buy cloth. While
traveling through the desert, a sandstorm came upon the caravan and dispersed
everyone. Many perished...the girl now a young woman, found herself all alone
in a strange land, very saddened, her life crumbled once again. She eventually
met and married a fine man who was a woodcarver and pole maker. She learned
his craft and joined his very prosperous family and for 10 years made poles
and carved wood. One day her husband decided to travel by boat to a far away
land to sell his woodcarving. After many days at sea a violent storm blew up
and capsized the ship and all drowned except the woman who drifted to the
shores of China. She stumbled into a village disoriented and lost.
Meanwhile there was a legend in China that a woman would
appear from the ocean and would build a royal tent, for no one in China had
the ability to build such a tent. Every year the king would send his
messengers out through the land looking for such woman. The villages knowing
the legend pointed to this stranger who had appeared. She was taken to the
king for questioning. The king asked if she could build the royal tent. She
thought to herself that she could, since weaving, sewing and woodworking were
skills she had acquired. She set about the task and built the most magnificent
royal tent. She was made a princess and taken into the royal palace where she
lived her life in luxury, wealth, and happiness until the end of her life,
which was many years to come.
So, tell him the truth....
The Dishwasher
More Dishwasher Essays | 
