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Dear Dishwasher,
How do you know when love is real? I mean how can you know the difference
between infatuation and the real thing? Then if you know it's the real Thing
for you then how do you get the other person to know it's real for me and for
her?
Thanks,
Mr. Real
My Dearest Real A true understanding of the love equation involves recognizing that this thing
call "love" does not really exist the way you've been taught. In
Western modern culture our knowledge and practice of love has suffered
tremendous distortion. We experience confusion when we try to compare our real
life experiences with the "Hollywood" version of love that captures
an illusion of bliss and sex and implies that it is a state of being in itself
regardless of the state of mind of the lovers. There is us and then there is
" a thing called love" Well, there is only us and this thing called
love is really many states of being and is shaped by the diversity of cultures
and dynamism of the age. The institution of marriage has not always been the
end result of this passion we now call love. This does not diminish love (it has been diminished enough already) Love can
be, sometimes at the beginning a mystical experience; love can be, sometimes
at the end of a relationship, a mystical experience; love can be, sometimes at
the beginning, an infatuation built on pheromones, a pure survival instinct;
love can be the bliss that comes from the gentle and unconditional acceptance
of another person with all their failures and peculiarities; love can be the
immense freedom that is experienced when you don't have to lie, or pretend, or
issue press releases or manipulate. You will only love someone to the extent you are capable. Capable to
unconditionally celebrate the simultaneous beauty and despair of your lover.
The activities and projects we do together are simply the scripts we learn in
order to become capable of love. Love is a state of being that bubbles over
into relationship. You can begin to learn love without a person in front of
you. Start with the day that might be raining, the job that might get boring,
the interruption, the delay, the aggressor or competitor. Start with your own
breath. Take a sit. Learn to Meditate. Try not to define (judge) what you have as love or not love...in fact, try not
to have definitions (these are for classrooms and love never ever comes out of
class work). Definitions restrict and are expressions of fear. To define is to
control and by controlling we protect ourselves. This is fear. No one ever
falls for someone who is fearful. I'm in the mood for Fearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Approach your love with unbounded play and enthusiasm, only. This communicates
a nonjudgmental and fearless invitation to be together. As soon as you start
analysis and dreaming up reasons to convince someone of anything you're dead
in the water. Hang it up. Play. To define love is a sure way to miss it al
together. Yours,
The Dishwasher More Dishwasher Essays | 
