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Hello Dishwasher,
When do I quit holding on to a relationship that seems to
have stopped. She needs space to work things out but how long do I wait. I
feel totally abandoned, and feel she's leading me on. She says she loves me
and always will, but that love scares her. What about me?
Any ideas?
Thanks,
BlueDog
Dear Mr. Dog,
If you truly want to embrace the highest forms of love there
is no gray area, no half steps, no inner compromises. You either wait forever
or don't wait at all. This kind of love is selfless and it is categorical, you
either love her this way or not at all. Take a deep breath, and let her go
completely ...give her more space than she possibly could imagine existed.
Love is all about the other...nothing about you. Your need to communicate,
your needs to be loved, your feelings all of this is not about your love for
her. Don't succumb to the temptation to romanticize these pseudo expressions
of love with versions of "I need you, I need you, I miss you, I...I ...I
This is a very base unfortunately American translation (dramatization) of an
experience that looks passionate and can have profound impact on the subject
but it not about love. We live in a culture that happens to celebrate this
nonsense. Let her go and assure her you'll be waiting for her...let her come back to
you. This demonstrates a strength of character and of love that will have a
profound impact on her spiritual journey and will give her strength that she
needs. (You may say that you don't have that kind of character, that you're
not that strong. That's ok. This is the way you obtain that kind of integrity
in love and strength in character. "You can pretend...just be careful who
you pretend to be". Proclaim your eternal love and demonstrate it by
letting go.... wait patiently. Don't bug her. Take this time to deepen another
area in your life that needs attention. Be gentle, be calm. The longer you "try" to give her space and you demonstrate how hard
you're "trying" the longer she lives not really knowing the power of
your love. She will struggle with fears of losing you, guilty about not
meeting your needs and this will prolong her conflict and push her away from
you. I would not have given you such tall order had I not read between the lines in
your note a very compassionate individual who is having the right impulse.
Your impulse is to take the higher road in love. I'm simply encouraging you to
follow your own intuition. There are lots of different forms of marriage, many
different practices of love, and all great loves are not supposed to be
marriages...but there is an opportunity in front of you that could produce the
most profound and blissful love and it is only created in this particular soup
of selfless love. This experience is not for everyone. Life is not like that.
Take the risk. Wait for her. yours,
The Dishwasher Your individual rights also get involved here, your right to express, your
right to explore and satisfy your needs, YOU
HAVE RIGHTS! This is a great correction for humanity.... politically and for
human rights as an issue.... politically and legally.... but unfortunately
this culture of self-absorption and self-exploration, self-analysis
...self...has had a profound and unfortunate impact on our spiritual culture.
Try to step back and view your life as a participant in a culture that is
guiding you in this matter of love...understand the origins of your feelings. More Dishwasher Essays |
