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Dear Dishwasher,
I've been in a relationship with a man for five
years. We get along pretty well and have a lot of the same interests. I
have been faithful to him for three years while he has never been
faithful. He is reluctant introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend,
although, everyone knows we hang together. I want to give him an
ultimatum, I've had enough. He's also very Controlling. Recently an old
friend from the past resurfaced. I had a big crush on him when I was in
high school.
My problem is do I stay with Mr. Control or do I go
for the new guy? I'm so confused , I just want to be safe and
secure and happy. What should I do?
Nancy
My Dear Nancy,
you'll likely never be really happy with
#1...
This depends on your depth and understanding of what it means to
be truly happy. Safe and secure is exactly what it says, but being safe is
not being happy. If you stay with # 1 .....
One thing for sure, you have to accept him just the way he is,
change can never be a condition of relationship. People do change but as a
result of experience, growth, and relationship as they learn from your
example how to live. So, you know what #1 is like, just assume it's going
to be that way forever. After you accept him then go on with your
aspirations in life and you'll achieve happiness because you won't
struggle against what doesn't change, there will be less conflict and your
happiness did not depend on his behavior. Focus on what you do together
that's fun and fruitful.
Loyalty, faithfulness and commitment, are the basis of a true
marriage so if You want that as part of your life experiment, then drop #1
real fast. If you don't mind having a marriage but a sort of relationship
then # 1 is fine. Your life is one big art project and you only paint that
picture once so raise your expectation, don't settle for less, there is
nothing really secure about life so don't put too much importance on
something that never ever occurs.
yours,
The Dishwasher
Wisdom
of Insecurity, by Allan Watts
"There's
a crack in everything....that's how the light gets in" L Cohen More Dishwasher Essays | 
