|
Dear Dishwasher,
Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy who has completely
run away with no explanation. I mean run away emotionally. Things were great…we
were on a fabulous roller coaster of love. And then all of a sudden he did the
"I want my space thing" I was having a down week and needed him more
than usual and may have missed the signs, but he just blew me off. I've seen
him a couple of times since, the relationship is like nowhere. He's totally
gone into his cave, and left me wondering,
"why?" My question is "what do I do
now?" How do I tell him I respect his need for space. Please help! I
don't want to let this one get away.
Sincerely,
Beth
Hello my dear Beth,
Sometimes honest everyday communication grounded in common
sense works just fine, especially when the relationships are new. It's
refreshing and upbeat to simply ask the obvious. Those moody types see life as
complicated and full of emotional booby traps. So, whatever you do, don't be
serious (that seems to him as just another needy person in some emotional
whirlpool that he will want to avoid) Ask him: "What's up? Haven't seen
you? And then follow with a fun suggestion focused on activity not his
emotional state of mind. Let him know you noticed the difference but that it
doesn't bother you. If he trusts you he will answer in turn with the same
light honest energy. This is how you communicate that you accept his space.
Telling him is not communication…that's manipulation
Avoid the dark side of his life for now. It will bubble up
again soon enough. Be upbeat, light and full of opportunity rather than
someone he has to report to. You're not asking for explanations just being
curious. Let him lead the conversation after that. Don't push. Guide the
relationship into activity that is mutually fun. Stay focused yourself, on
what you enjoy about life, not on his moods.
Good luck,
The Dishwasher More Dishwasher Essays |
