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Hi,
I've had a problem all my adult life. I've tried solving this
problem in so many different ways that that maybe I'm just destined to be
this way forever.
Stated simply it is this: I am Fat and Lazy.
I never, ever make any headway. I'm 42 years old and still at the
same basic poverty level and health level I've been since I was 25. I know
the obvious answer: work harder, exercise and lose the weight. Know also,
that I have tried every method I've come across in twenty years of dealing
with this. Every fresh start ends in failure.
I have a wife and three beautiful kids. I love everything about my
life except living on the edge of poverty and feeling so fat and
unhealthy. I have a love of God even though I suspect He's not going to
help me unless I help myself
I think, perhaps I am doomed to "live this life of quiet
desperation" I have an impulse to give up and just do nothing.
Fat and Lazy
My Dearest Fat and Lazy,
You need to, essentially, wake yourself up. I've seen this happen
quickly for people whose life is threatened -- The texture of life changes
dramatically, there are moments of ecstasy as well as a rich sadness.
Consider your yourself now, asleep, blissfully dead asleep.
Wake up dear one.
Yes, your impulse to give up and do nothing about being fat or
lazy comes the closest to being the right path for you because being fat
or lazy is not the problem, so give yourself full permission to be
whomever you are when you wake up.
Many mystics believe a person is asleep when their consciousness
becomes habitual. Like behavioral habits…thinking habits past the time
without you knowing it. Contemplate for a moment the origins of all your
movements. What motivated you to get up, to move to the kitchen, to leave
for work etc. You will notice that you respond to inner or outer stimuli
in a habitual way. Over time your mind learns this pattern of perception
and adopts it….it goes to sleep from not being needed (also known as
growing up). Real freedom or liberation severs the bonds of your personal
and cultural history, your psychological preconditions that dictate who
you are …real freedom is waking up to the world around you. When this
happens a great compassion descends on the mind, a great happiness to be
alive. And out of the reservoir of humanity wells up motivation, energy
and enthusiasm. This begins to cure all your other problems. Forget about
curing laziness…that is not the problem.
To really move out of habitual consciousness you will eventually
need the aid of another person, but even the family pet would do for
starters. A guide could be your minister, a therapist or a meditation
counselor, your best friend. These gurus are all around you and they don't
need to possess any special knowledge. This kind of learning is not
taught, but is the process of interaction, challenge and experience for
those who are awake. Otherwise life is a series of movements, reactions. I
think I overhead one of the teenagers say it better: "Eat shit and
die"
In the mean time try this simple little mind exercise using some
household items: a safety pin, button and little pocket notebook.
Attach a safety pin to a button and wear it on your shirt pocket.
Every time your mind speaks the words, fat or lazy.... Touch it, smile and
agree. Then repeat those words " eat shit and die" (maybe to
yourself). When people ask you why the button....you can tell them it's
the red existential panic button....the light switch to your subconscious…
prayer button, anything, but most importantly always smile.
Let this be an exercise without purpose and without any expected
results. At first it will seem odd and fruitless Treat this exercise as
play rather than discipline. Most importantly, absolutely do not expect
any results or changes in behavior or attitudes, do not monitor your
progress. Take a small notebook and make notes about what you felt only.
What if you had only one week to live and you knew it! write down your
interesting one week to live fantasies.
How would you feel about daily life? Write your thoughts? Take
notes, don't try to write beautiful prose. Doodle if you like. No
analysis.
This is a version of what is called the stop exercise employed by
students of Gurdjeft at his Paris institute in the 30s and 40s. For more
reading about waking up.
yours
The Dishwasher
"Even the best therapy can only return us to a state of
common unhappiness."
Freud More Dishwasher Essays | 
