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Dear Dishwasher,
My life is a mess. I'm in medical school but I'm just barely getting
by. I continually make the wrong choices doing everything at the last
minute. I'm lazy. I want to change things in my life but every
resolution ends in failure and then guilt. I'll probably become a doctor but
an incompetent one and eventually someone will get hurt. I just don't make
the right decisions. Can you offer some advice?
Need to change,
Carol B
My Dear Carol B,
You're having a family feud of the most ancient kind. If you continue to
argue with yourself you'll simply lose more energy that is much needed for a
very busy schedule and lots of studying.
Image that inside your head there lives a family of selves and they all
compete for attention and the honor of driving the family car. One Carol
wants to play, another has aspirations of being a doctor, another enjoys a
role as wife and on and on. Each individual self has the attributes of our
humanity that has evolved for thousands of years of which the most
fundamental of these attributes is the will to survive. Each self is
programmed for survival.
Naturally, if you tell one of your selves that it is going to be
extinguished it acts just as you would…. With protest! (Oh no not me!)
First, much argument and rationalization (lets talk this over), then an
emotional fit of defiance, then a lot of hide and seek. Unwanted behavior
singled out to be changed simply changes into other disguised behaviors
(distractions). It will even join you in an effort to destroy itself by
promoting self help through books, or motivational classes to attend, even a
quick fix on the couch of a shrink. Knowing that these activities are really
non threatening and seldom really change behavior it will happily guild you
into safe harmless distractions…anything in hopes you'll leave it alone.
The inner family feud takes a tremendous amount of energy and is
ultimately futile and absolutely no behavior will change as a result.
Unwanted behavior simply gets stronger and more entrenched in its effort to
defend itself. And in fact your unfocused behavior is just not the problem.
The real question and the most important life challenge for you is not
how good of a doctor you'll be, but how your inner household matures…The
real challenge is to understand your own personality, what forms behavior…
otherwise you're destined to be an ordinary body mechanic with a good salary
and a lousy life.
Don't be a slave to your inner drama. Wake up.
The nature of personal change is subversive. Never single out one
behavior as the bad self…. Just observe it's existence, smile at its
humor, and get to know yourself better (all of them). Make peace in the
house of your inner life. Become a gentle participant in your own life…not
a slave driver or victim. Become the audience in your inner drama and soon
you'll find the pathway to the director's chair. Active meditation can speed
this process. Of all the disciplines I've studied the Shambhala work is best
suited for Western minds. Your little lazy self will love it! Seduce it and
when it loses it fear of you it will willingly go away.
All of us live a spiritual life whether we pay attention to it or not.
Start paying attention.
http://www.shambhala.org/
http://dharma-haven.org/shambhala/how-to-meditate.html
For further reading:
"Healing
Meditations"
"Insight
Meditations"
Yours in Life,
The Dishwasher More Dishwasher Essays | 
